Love is the Answer to Everything
That sounds great in theory, but what does it mean?Although I have believed that statement for a long time, I’ve been using this time of physical distancing to look at this more deeply.This time in history is such a valuable moment. While I am very aware and sensitive to the grief and tragedy happening, I am also profoundly awestruck.
For the first time ever, the vast majority of all of humanity is suddenly quieter together.
We are being asked to stop and go within at once for the greater good of all. This is not only having us go inside physically, but mentally and spiritually as well. We ALL get to self-reflect at the exact same time. That is so cool.Of course, what we do with this moment is up to us. But I have a lot of hope. I believe in humanity. I have seen too many acts of kindness and generosity during this time to believe otherwise.So back to the original question: How is love the answer to everything? How do we love more? And what does loving more look like right now?
It means learning to love and find compassion for ourselves. It especially means being gentle as we go through this collective trauma, and not expecting our brain and energy capacity work as efficiently. (Case in point: I’ve had the title of this article in my head for weeks, but couldn’t seem to get the words out until now. This was admittedly torturous for me.) We need to give ourselves time to rest, time to feel all of our feelings, time to cry, time to laugh, allow ourselves to feel joy, and not judge any of the feelings that are present.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Learning to be kind and gentle with ourselves is not mutually exclusive from depression, anxiety or grief. You can be depressed, anxious or grieving and still love yourself. Learning to love ourselves is about accepting ourselves fully for where we are. It may not feel like love in that moment, but some part of us knows when we are being gentle with ourselves and we can learn to do that even with heavy feelings.
It means learning we are valuable just for being in our space, our feelings and our creativity, and that productivity doesn’t matter nearly as much as love and connection.
It’s remembering that it’s okay to ask for help, it’s okay that we don’t have it all figured out, and realizing we do much better when we have each other to lean on.
It means getting in touch with how good it feels to be generous, and bring everyone up along with us. We don’t do as well without the whole team.
It’s learning to love our body. These human bodies we live in are precious and it is an honor to be in them. We don’t need to be perfect, but we can and should be kind to our body, not only from healthy food and exercise, but by managing stress. Meditation is great for calming our nervous system.
Also – we must remember that none of us can escape that we will sometimes get sick, or that our time in our body is limited, no matter how wealthy or famous we are.
It’s acknowledging that this planet is beautiful and powerful, and that we cannot take that for granted. Mother Earth will ultimately do fine without us, but we are not fine without her.
It means remembering to highly value the workers who are essential to a thriving society (health care workers, grocery workers, teachers, postal and delivery people, all service workers, janitors and maintenance workers and many others) even after the pandemic is over.
It means remembering that all human lives are precious and we need to do better at remembering our common humanity. No matter our nationality, race, gender, sexual orientation, education, age, political beliefs or socio-economic position, we all have common needs. We need to feel safe and loved. We need shelter, food, and access to basic healthcare and hygiene. Until we all have our basic needs met, there will always be tension in society. It truly serves us all to just take care of each other.
It means learning that love, happiness, grief and tragedy can coexist with each other, and that there is beauty in that.
It means learning - and this is a biggie - to love everyone on the planet, even when they behave poorly. This does not mean that we condone bad behavior or that there shouldn’t be consequences. But it does serve us to try and understand why such behavior happens.
It is my hope that this time will teach us to trust each other more. To lean on each other more and start to get out of our own way.Before you assume I’m just being Pollyanna, I can assure you that, perhaps like you, I am struggling with the societal discord right now. I imagine there are people who are behaving in ways that you strongly don’t agree with, and that may be triggering or infuriating for you. I totally, totally get that.Love is the answer to everything because with love, we can get through anything together. We can heal; we can rise like phoenix through the ashes. We can learn more patience and less reactivity. We can start to be curious about our differences. We can learn to hear each other’s anger but listen for the pain underneath. We can learn to care about that pain, even when we feel angry and triggered ourselves.
We can remember that everyone needs to feel heard, and until that happens, we can’t bridge our divisions.
I can hear some of you potentially screaming at me for this. Or, maybe you want to hide under the covers in overwhelm. You may be asking how the hell we are supposed to accomplish all of that! WTF? Seriously, how would we even start?!?Honestly, I think it all just starts with ourselves. Learning to be kind and gentle with ourselves and feel our feelings is such a noble task. It is at the root of so much.I KNOW all of this is hard! These are definitely advanced skills I’m talking about here. I’m not saying I have figured out how to do all of this yet. I haven’t. I am making progress, but I definitely still have work to do.That’s okay, though. Growth is messy. This time is messy!
But like it or not, we are dramatically shifting in one direction or another, and we might as well use this time as wisely as possible.
It is not my desire or intention to add to any overwhelm you might be experiencing during this time. I realize none of this happens overnight. I’m hoping these concepts can seep more into our greater consciousness and we can truly start to head in the direction of love, support and safety.Because here’s the thing:
When we feel safe in the world, we have a much easier time being generous.
I believe that’s how it works and that it’s true for all of us. Whenever there is a lack of generosity, there is a feeling of insecurity and scarcity behind it. On the surface, that may not seem to always make sense... But remember, people can feel unsafe in myriad ways, not just about money.We all have the capacity to feel fear and scarcity at times (which leads to our less than ideal behavior), and I’d like to believe we all have the capacity to feel more safety with enough love and support.We have also grown up in a society with shame being a main motivator for change in behavior. It’s deeply ingrained in us, and so it’s natural that it’s the first thing we turn to when we are angry at others’ behavior.But as we are learning from Brene Brown (my shero) and other brilliant researchers, shame does not actually motivate us. It damages us and makes us defend or play small. As she so aptly states:
Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.
And, in Daring Greatly, Brene says:
If we are going to find our way out of shame and back to each other, vulnerability is the path and courage is the light. To set down those lists of ‘what we’re supposed to be’ is brave. To love ourselves and support each other in the process of becoming real is perhaps the greatest single act of daring greatly.
I’m ready to dare greatly. Honestly, I think in many ways, our lives depend on it.I still get really angry. I still have times where I’m really triggered. I don’t assume that will ever completely go away. But holding the greater vision helps me. It gives me a direction for my meditations, prayers and actions. It gives me a barometer to see when I’m making progress.Maybe I’m just an optimist, but I think if enough of this strive for this at once, we can truly make a difference in our lifetimes.
I see a world where love is valued most high. A world where we all learn to lead from our strengths and we all learn to follow based on our heart, our vulnerability and desire to learn and raise our consciousness.
Who’s with me?Thank you for your heart and the light you bring to the world. You chose to read an article about love, and that says a lot about your willingness to be reflective and vulnerable.You are the reason there is hope.From the bottom of my heart, thank you.