You are Always Lovable (Even When You Are Doing Nothing)!
I spent the last few weeks in a serious struggle with myself. On the one hand, I had lots of plans, lots of things that “needed” to get done. On the other hand, my body and my soul was telling me to slow down, get some rest, and rejuvinate. Now, I am someone who can really appreciate some good down time… when I plan it. When I’m in control of my schedule and when I deem that I ‘deserve’ down time, I schedule it in.
Ah, the illusion of control…
It’s a different story, however, when I have plans to be active, and the Universe has other ideas. That’s when things get really uncomfortable.
If you are someone who struggles with control issues like I do, this post is for you!
Here’s what’s been going on with me: In my meditation practice this past year, I committed to diving deeper and truly listening for inspirations. Those inspirations led to me creating my blog, launching my coaching business, and opening up new doors to personal growth work.I had months of being on fire, with more downloads and ideas than I could keep up with. I was completely inspired and feeling like everything was right on track!And then, as quickly as the inspiration came, the inspiration for ideas stopped. It was terrifying! I was worried it would never come back again!But that still, small voice that I’d been listening to quietly told me to relax. Just sit for a spell, and wait for the inspiration to come back. I had plenty to do with getting my coaching certification and other work obligations. Take some time to be still, have some fun and just take it easy.This didn’t sit well in my mind. This didn’t match my plans. This didn’t work for my schedule!And yet, this small voice persisted, and told me to sit my butt down and be patient. I am NOT great at being patient!I tried to ignore it. I attempted to eek out extra work based on notes from previous months. But everything fell flat. It was going nowhere, because I wasn’t listening to my inner guidance.So, I finally listened and waited. And, being completely honest, it was HARD. I became anxious. I got depressed for a few days. I questioned my value. I questioned my purpose.
I had to come face-to-face with the realization that I place far too much of my own self-worth on how much I accomplish in a day.
And I’m far more brutal to myself on this topic than I am to others.I often use productivity as a mood-booster. Nothing has me feel more in control of my life than getting a lot of things done on my list.Can you relate?
But here's the thing. That control is just an illusion. The idea that we can plan everything or ever "complete" our list is an illusion. There will always be more to do!
There's nothing wrong with enjoying being productive. But we aren't supposed to work all of the time, and there are times the Universe will insist that we change course or slow down! (i.e. getting sick, spraining an ankle, losing a job, etc.)So the real question is, how do we become ok with ourselves when we can't accomplish what we want? How do we deal with the feelings of fear, anxiety, and inadequacy?
I drew on my many years of spiritual work to get these reminders:
Realize these feelings might be coming through for a reason. If they are acknowledged and felt, there is space to see if there is any insight to gather.
Telling someone you love what you are going through really helps lessen the intensity of the feelings.
Getting enough sleep, exercise and proper nutrition is vitally important.
Get extra help when needed. I believe strongly in extra help. There are many therapies and medications that can provide real relief to people.
I allowed myself to be uncomfortable, and sit with the question: Who am I without my massive to-do list?
I truly believe everyone is a child of God and worthy of love just for being alive. And yet, in my power struggle with my ego, I was having a hard time giving myself that grace.
I discussed this with my husband, some dear friends, and I took some time to write in my journal.Here is one one of my favorite journal exercises to help me dig deeper into my feelings. I write:
I have fear about _________.Because I have fear about __________.Because I have fear about __________.
Keep going until you run out of answers. You can get some great insights from that exercise!Doing this exercise and speaking my struggles out loud with those I love and trust gave me so much in return!My husband and my friends were there for me, and quick to remind me of important truths. I share them here to remind you:
- You are lovable just as you are!
- You are lovable when you are anxious and depressed.
- You are lovable when you watch tv and eat ice cream.
- You are lovable when you are doing nothing at all.
Creating space to be loved in my darkest moments was hard... but it made all the difference. Receiving that love helped me immensely.I won’t pretend that this issue was solved forever overnight. But every time I work through a tough situation, I know that I have everything available to get through another one.I hope this helps you know that you have resources available to you, too.In the end, I did get my inspiration back. I’m diving deeper into my coaching practice, and I’m excited to see all the ways I can contribute to this world though love.
Know your worth. Know that you are loved. Know that you have everything within you already to create the life and the love of your dreams.
And remember, I love you.CatherineP.S. I would love to hear how this resonates with you. Feel free to contact me directly or leave a comment below.