Is Perfectionism a Barrier to Love? (Hint: Yes, it is.)
Perfectionism, I’m discovering more deeply, is something I struggle with on a daily basis. This is the last thing I want to admit to myself, much less to all of you who are reading this. But it’s true, and it’s been weighing heavily on my heart lately. So I’m outing myself in the hopes that I can help break this pattern by shining more light on it.
It is also my suspicion that some of you (especially women with a lot of balls in the air) may struggle with this as well. I’m hoping that opening up this topic will help is all give each other permission to be less than perfect.
Since I write regularly about how to manifest your soulmate, it’s obvious I love to talk about love. Love it my favorite topic! However...
I can’t talk about how to love fully without digging into the barriers of love and learning how to deal with them.
Even though I manifested my soulmate and am happily married (for which I’m eternally grateful), I still have hidden beliefs that keep me from loving fully. My marriage, my career and every area of my life reflect back to me what areas I am doing well, and what areas need work.
I truly didn’t know I had so much work to do on perfectionism until recently. That’s because perfectionism is really sneaky!
There are areas of my life that I have learned to embrace imperfection: My house isn’t perfectly neat all of the time, my communication with my husband is less than perfect, and I make mistakes in daily life that I’m willing to own and correct.
Here’s where perfectionism likes to hide from me:
It hides inside my mind in a self-defeating pattern that if I don’t live up to a certain standard (that I have set), and keep everything absolutely consistent without fail, something really bad will happen.
The bad thing that I believe will happen is some version of:
I won’t be seen as reliable (or with integrity) anymore
I won’t be loved anymore
Everything will fall apart and it will be all my fault
Can you relate?
These thoughts are insidious and not at all helpful. And they are way more common than we think.
Here’s how it came up for me this week: I’ve been writing blog articles every week for the past several months. I love writing about manifesting love, and it feels like a real calling for me.
At the same time, I’ve been taking some amazing courses and have been learning how I’d like to grow my business and expand into group coaching. This, of course, has all been happening while I’m focusing on my marriage, other work responsibilities, personal growth work, maintaining exercise and seeing friends.
Whew!
A part of me has known for a few weeks that it would be helpful to restructure things in my business. Expanding into a variety of content in addition to the blogs feels right to me. But I’ve been trying to expand while maintaining the same level of work in all areas of my life, because:
I didn’t want to face that I was asking too much of myself
I didn’t want to disappoint anyone
I didn’t want to be unreliable
Our society places such a high value on accomplishing tasks! If I can just stay busy enough moving forward, I'm *bound* to be successful, right?
But here’s the thing:
Holding on to these unrealistic expectations of myself was putting a damper on my light!
And putting a damper on my light was getting in the way of everything I hold dear: I was struggling with writing. I was struggling with meditation. I was struggling in making plans with friends. I was struggling with communication with my husband.
I was struggling with love.
It took a while for the veil to lift and see I was blocking myself from love. But once I could see it, I had to change it immediately!
Blocking myself from love is blocking myself from loving my husband, loving my work, and loving you! I certainly don't want that!
I don't believe there is anything more important than connection and love. And perfectionism is a barrier to all forms of love.
It inhibits the love we already have in our life and love the we are trying to manifest. Even more importantly, it's a barrier to fully loving ourselves.
So, I’m going to take a cue to love myself and take a little time to restructure. I’m still writing blogs, though they won’t be every week. I’ll be mixing in video content and other tidbits along the way. I’m excited to try new things.
I invite you to recognize any areas of your life where perfectionism might be sneaking in, and see if you can lovingly be more gentle with yourself.
And, in case it helps:
I GIVE YOU FULL PERMISSION TO BE IMPERFECT!
Listen to your inner guidance. Give yourself a break. Find the balance that works for you. Learn to love yourself in this way so you can be more fully present to love others, and to be open to new love in your life!
I would love to hear how this resonates with you. Are there areas of your life where you can see your hidden perfectionism? Do you have any pearls of wisdom that has helped you deal with it? Leave a comment below.
Thank you for shining your light and being willing grow. You've got this!
Love and light,
Catherine
As always, I stay in regular communication with my subscribers and followers on facebook.