How to LOVE Valentine's Day While Still Single
Valentine’s Day.... the day I TOTALLY dreaded when I was single.
On the outside I tried to act like it wasn’t that big of a deal...
But inside I hated it! It just pissed me off! Who’s stupid card-company of an idea was it to have this holiday that shoves EVERYONE else’s love in my face!?!
This seems like torture! It’s just mean! Can’t all those happy in love people be a little more low key? Does every commercial, sign and store have to display it everywhere?
Yep, that was me.
The truth is, I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb on Valentine’s Day. I thought everyone was especially noticing my singleness and that they could tell that I’d been single the vast majority of my adult life
Looking back, I don’t think anyone significant to me was feeling sorry for me on the holiday. But I sure was, and that was a problem I didn’t want to have anymore.
So, as part of my journey towards finding love, I was determined to get into a better relationship with this holiday. After all, it was coming every year whether I liked it or not.
What if I could actually enjoy the day? Like, for real? Really look forward to it and feel happy, joyful and hopeful at the end of the day.
I’m happy to say that I did learn to do that! I truly had some beautiful Valentine’s days the last couple of years I was single.
Some of the ground work had already been laid for this, because I’d been studying love from all angles. I really wanted to crack the code on why romantic love was so hard for me, and studying love was the pathway that worked.
During this time, I learned a spiritual principle that encouraged me to focus on love in every way I could, because the more love I feel, the more love I attract. Like attracts like.
One of my spiritual teachers, Michael Beckwith has this to say about love:
Love: You’re not meant to wait for it. You’re not meant to search for it. You’re meant to generate it.
I can imagine what you’re thinking...
“Yeah, yeah. I love my family, I love my friends, I love animals. As grateful as I am for all of that love, that is NOT THE SAME as romantic love! I want romance!”
I totally get you, and you are correct. If you are someone seeking partnership, the love you have in other areas your life does not replace finding your soulmate. I won’t insult you by pretending that it does.
Finding my soulmate is truly one of the most significant things that will ever happen in my life, and I am forever changed because of this. With him, I feel seen and heard and known on an entirely new level.
But here’s the thing I truly want to say:
Going deeper in the love you have in your life right now is a gateway to meeting the love of your life!
That’s right! Harnessing love is harnessing love, and it accelerates you finding romantic love.
But the trick is to have this day feel really special by going deeper than you would normally. To feel happy and full of love! Here’s how I did that:
I had a Love gathering at my place on Valentine’s evening with about 10 friends. Most of them were single, but not all of them. One couple I was friends with didn’t care for traditional Valentine’s day, and happily came to my gathering. Another friend who’s partner worked nights came with her infant.
We had potluck and hung out on the living room couch and cushions on the floor. It was cozy with candles and lovely background music. But here was the best part. We had an intentional portion of the evening where we went deeper in our conversation.
I had taken a Love Skills class with Scott and Shannon Peck that taught me about asking Love Questions, which creates genuine intimacy.
Here are some examples of Love Questions:
What’s the most significant thing in your life right now?
What area of your life do you the most feel love and joy? Does experiencing that love help you in other areas of life?
What have you learned about yourself in the last year that you feel great about?
You only need to ask one of those questions and have each person answer.
It's surprising how much someone has to share when asked a Love Question directly. People are more likely to open up, which creates real intimacy quickly.
And you know what? After having a yummy, loving conversation like that, I felt seen and heard and known. It was *truly* an evening that got me into the feeling tone of one very important aspect of being with my soulmate!
From then on, Valentine’s Day became a day full of love! Instead of being angry or sad, I truly became excited to experience love, and feel the anticipation of my soulmate on their way! I also felt deep love for my friends, I felt deeper love for the world in all of our humanity.
I didn’t have to fake it. It was real.
You know what else? Now that I’m on the other side of this, the romance of Valentine’s Day means so much less to me.
I don’t need Valentine’s Day with my husband to feel his love at all. Not even a little bit.
Admittedly, the first year we were together we made huge deal of it! We were both SO EXCITED to have finally met that we dressed up, did the fancy dinner, I got two dozen roses (he got flowers too), he sang me a song, the whole shabang. It was beautiful and lovely.
It meant the world to me that first year, because it helped heal and redeem the little girl in me that didn’t believe I was romance material. The one who questioned whether or not I was ever going to find true, lasting love.
But once we became solid, once we got to that place where the love was never questioned, Valentine’s Day stopped being a big deal. We incorporate romance into our marriage throughout the year, and I much prefer that to going out and spending too much money on a holiday that forces consumerism down people’s throats.
When I focus on Valentine’s Day as a day of love for the world, I’m truly filled up!
I love love! Love is what we’re ALL made of! Let’s celebrate that!!!
So, happy love month. Thank you for being a love being. Thank you for the love you shine in the world. Thank you for the people you nurture. Thank you for being vulnerable. Thank you for opening your heart.
Thank you for being you.
I’m beaming with love.
Love and light,
Catherine