Take a Self-Worth Deep Dive
When I started doing this work on manifesting love, I quickly found that I needed to do some deeper work on my self-worth. This was surprising to me, because I’d done a lot of therapy, spiritual work and workshops, and I loved myself in many ways. But I had areas of self-doubt that were hiding, and it totally affected my self-confidence around dating, along with other areas of my life.As I self-reflected, I discovered I had old hidden beliefs based on childhood experiences. I had created a story about who I was, how my life was likely to play out, and that, although I had lots of great friends, I just “wasn’t dating material”. That story played out for a very, very long time.I knew that if I wanted to fall in love and get married (and I certainly did), I needed to change my story about what I deserved, and was completely capable of receiving, in romantic love.How do we change our story? Well, one way is to do everything you can to fall madly and deeply in love with yourself. Regularly. Like going to the self-love gym. The good news, is this work is very powerful and can very quickly make a difference!Now, I am not talking about getting a big ego so you can feel superior to others. On the contrary, I am talking about realizing that all of us are inherently special and lovable, so that means you are too! We are all worthy of love!
One of my favorite quotes is this one by Marianne Williamson:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Self-Love work is hugely beneficial for many reasons:
It makes the journey of finding love more fun, and it will bring your soulmate to you faster! You will love life more because you are in a space of love much of the time.
You will start to attract and draw in more people who treat you well, not only in dating, but in every day interactions. Not only will you embody that you deserve love, but that you deserve love from someone awesome! And you do!
This will make your future relationship SO MUCH EASIER! Trust me when I say, if you want a great relationship, you will still need to do some work on yourself and the relationship once you have found it. There is always more to learn, and we can always love ourselves deeper. From what I’ve observed from my own relationship as well as countless others, there are certain life lessons that don’t seem to come up until we’ve found deep, safe, trusting love. When those life lessons come up, you will have a much easier time navigating that if you've already done some self-love work. And, even if you find your love before you’ve done this work, any hidden lack-of-love issues will get right in your face once you get deep into the relationship, and you will have to do the work anyway. So you might as well get as much of this work done now, when you have more time!
Practical Ways to Love Ourselves More Deeply
Here are some suggestions to get you started:
Sit and be with yourself in the quiet and think about something or someone you love. It could be a passion project that makes you feel great, or the love of a child or dear friend. Feel the love and the joy that this brings you. Notice where that feeling resides in your body. Focus and expand that feeling into your entire body. Remind yourself that you deserve to feel that love and joy, because you are amazing.
Be kind and gentle with yourself when you make a mistake or when you are stressed. Allow yourself your humanness. Talk to your inner child as if this were a child standing right in front of you who needs your love and understanding. When you come up against self-judgement, forgive yourself and release. This self-compassion will also help you feel more compassion with others in difficult situations.
In this busy season, take a little time for self-care. Catch up on sleep. Move your body in some way that makes you happy.
Have fun dates with just yourself! Take yourself to a little cafe for a really nice lunch. Try a bubble bath with a glass of champagne. Go on a day trip to see wildflowers or the ocean. Anything that inspires you. Really try to enjoy this sweet, luxurious moment with yourself. I know this can be hard when you’re trying to be in a relationship, because it may feel lonely. Think of this as a step that will help you get to that wonderful place where you will do these very things with your soulmate. Would you feel different about this moment if you knew you would be meeting your soulmate really soon? If you were sure? Try that feeling on.
As I mentioned earlier, this is very powerful work! You may start to notice changes right away, in how you feel and in your daily interactions. Celebrate those changes! Celebrate every step! You don’t have to do it perfectly. Be curious. Be gentle. Every step you take is cumulative, and gets you closer and closer to your soulmate.And remember, I am doing this work right at the same time. I did change my story for the better; I did meet the love of my life - and I still strive to love myself more deeply every day. There is always more to learn and there is always more to celebrate.Want to do this self-love journey together? I’m in! I’d love to hear from you. What are some ways that you are kind and loving to yourself? What are some areas you find more challenging? Please leave a comment or ask any questions below.Love and light,Catherine